I grew up going to United Methodist Churches in the Midwest and had never heard a single word of homophobic rhetoric from the church. In fact, I had little knowledge that there was an LGBTQ community. I remember when I first learned the word gay and what it meant. My initial though was, “why does the gender of the person you fall in love with matter? I’d be willing to fall in love with anyone” By that thought alone I should have known I was pansexual.
It wasn't until I moved to California that I really experienced the LGBTQ community for the first time. The church I go to in California is pro-gay, but one thing I heard a lot of was that Christian churches excluded or discriminated against queer people. I never fully believed this until the first time I considered coming out as pansexual. I toyed with the idea by trying to see what a person important to me believed. When I came to a close friend and told them I supported the LGBTQ community it instantly started an argument. They said many hurtful things, but what hurt the most was they told me I did not deserve to call myself a christian. He believed that because I supported the LGBTQ community, let alone be a part of it, that I didn’t deserve to be a part of the church. Hurt and confused I texted to my pastor who I am close with before crying on my mother's shoulder for hours. My pastor listened to all what happened and gave me nothing but love and support. He even gave me a Stonewall pin that he got on his trip to New York, but most of all he gave me hope in the church. I knew I’d be safe to come out in my church community, but I wasn’t ready yet. It wasn’t until college that I came out and suprisingly all it took was someone asking me. I am a youth leader at my church and one day one youth turned to me and asked what my sexuality was, and I told them I was pansexual.
The only major conflict for me and my sexuality is that I want to be a pastor in the United Methodist Church. The church has strict laws for their gay pastors, but I still knew of actively gay pastors in the United Methodist Church so I figured I could slip under their radar. Then in 2019 the United Methodist Church passed “The Traditional Plan” which further excludes the LGBTQ+ community for the church, especially in regards to same-sex marriage and ordination. This caused a large uproar in many parts of the United States, especially California. The California-Pacific Bishop, Grant J. Hagiya gave a sermon in which he said if the United Methodist Church came for the ordinations of queer clergy, they had to take his as well. The actions of my church and his statement restored hope for me to be a pastor and gave me the reassuring sense of freedom to be myself.
It wasn't until I moved to California that I really experienced the LGBTQ community for the first time. The church I go to in California is pro-gay, but one thing I heard a lot of was that Christian churches excluded or discriminated against queer people. I never fully believed this until the first time I considered coming out as pansexual. I toyed with the idea by trying to see what a person important to me believed. When I came to a close friend and told them I supported the LGBTQ community it instantly started an argument. They said many hurtful things, but what hurt the most was they told me I did not deserve to call myself a Christian. He believed that because I supported the LGBTQ community, let alone be a part of it, that I didn’t deserve to be a part of the church. Hurt and confused I texted to my pastor who I am close with before crying on my mother's shoulder for hours. My pastor listened to all what happened and gave me nothing but love and support. He even gave me a Stonewall pin that he got on his trip to New York, but most of all he gave me hope in the church. I knew I’d be safe to come out in my church community, but I wasn’t ready yet. It wasn’t until college that I came out and surprisingly all it took was someone asking me. I am a youth leader at my church and one day one youth turned to me and asked what my sexuality was, and I told them I was pansexual.
By Sierra Breyer
Edited by Kyle Williams
This story really shows the hardship a faithful member of the LGBTQ community can face that is often forgotten about in these modern, more accepting times. I encourage everyone who hears this story to see it as a tail of caution and hope.
For those struggling to come out or are struggling with their sexuality let this story bring you hope. People's love for one another can break boundaries we never thought possible if you allow yourself to take that first step.
For those who have harsh or traditional beliefs on the LGBTQ community use this tail as one of caution. Making someone feel as though they can't be themselves around the people they love the most is an unimaginable for of heartbreak. For my listeners who have children please allow them to be honest with you and love them no matter what they are or what they choose.
Thank you for reading and don't forget to like and subscribe for more wonderful experiences like this one.
Comments